If you change your feeling, it can change your life . . .

Why would it be helpful to do the “Feeling Worthy of Love” guided meditation on self-love? Many of us struggle with the feeling we don’t deserve love. We may feel as if we’re damaged, or bad, or believe that a past mistake has doomed us to being forever unworthy and unforgivable. Our heart, body and mind all play a part: we keep thinking we’re unworthy, which becomes like an endless loop; this makes us feel we’re unworthy; resulting in the belief we’re unworthy of love.

It doesn’t matter what the reasons are. We must always remember: our beliefs are not ultimately true; they are just entrenched thoughts and feelings that we’ve come to accept.

When they go unquestioned, we let these false and destructive beliefs

rule our emotions,

limit our potential,

ruin our health,

destroy our appreciation and joy, and

diminish our capacity for love and well-being.

 

          The bottom line is:

                        beliefs can be changed,

                                    and feeling worthy of love can be learned.

Our body is the messenger of compassion

Why? Because our mind is constantly communicating with our body. But are those mental messages kind and life-enriching, or negative and fearful? In this practice, we’re learning to communicate with our body with loving compassion. Sending loving feelings and thoughts into our body dismantles our old habits and beliefs and creates new neural pathways in our brain.

I used to feel that my mistakes and negative attitudes about myself were like prison walls that kept my heart, and my capacity for joy trapped in a dungeon. Feelings seem to be true, but in fact most of the time they are misleading us. The way out of the dungeon, I discovered, was to change my feelings. And it’s not so hard to do, however it does take dedicated and regular practice. That’s why I created this meditation called “Feeling Worthy of Love”.

In the “Worthy of Love” meditation, we generate a stream of messages that we are loved and okay, just as we are – together with a feeling of loving warmth which radiates from the earth into our whole being. We bring this sense of okayness with the warmth of loving compassion, into our body and heart and then let these loving thoughts and feelings flow into the billions of cells in our body. Doing this gradually does change our feeling and brings a deep confidence that we’re worthy of love and belonging.

By doing this meditation regularly, we dissolve the prison walls that had seemed so solid and permanent. And this allows us to reconnect with our true self, known as “essence love,” which is a fundamental knowing that we are okay, just as we are.

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than yourself,

and that person is not to be found anywhere.

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,

deserve your love and affection.

He who loves himself will never harm another.”

                       

     —Buddha     

Keys to making “Worthy of Love” effective

Adapt the practice so it works for you, and use whichever word or phrase fits best. You can adapt the meditation to do it in a shorter way, or try it while you’re walking or lying down, if that works better. Any variations that you find are helpful, please use them! And remember, if you want to feel a change, you will have to do the meditation!

Be open and accepting of whatever experiences come. Sometimes you may feel nothing, or find your mind is going all over the place. Uncomfortable or pleasurable feelings might come, but they are temporary if we don’t fixate on them. Instead of getting attached or rejecting them, meet your experiences with openness and kindness.

Give the practice time to have an effect. It may take time to actually feel the practice working, so be kind to yourself, and keep going. Your layers of inner suffering are like the silent anguish of a long-forgotten orphan who has lost trust. Gentleness, patience, and continued messages of acceptance and love will slowly rebuild trust. You’re replacing decades of negative habits, so naturally, it will take time for the practice to finally become part of you.

Continue to “make it real” as you go throughout your day.

This is the real secret to change: infusing our day with more and more reminders – and feelings – that we’re worthy of love.

One of the best things you can do just after finishing a meditation is to take a moment to consider the rest of your day: perhaps making breakfast, chatting with your family, driving to work, walking down a hallway, talking on the phone, sitting in a meeting with colleagues, or relaxing after dinner. Imagine that you are still remembering one aspect of the meditation in all these activities, perhaps silently repeating: “I am worthy of love, I’m okay”; or, feeling a loving warmth coming from the earth and into your body. And now, as you enter your day (or are getting ready for bed), challenge yourself to continue making the feeling real as often as you can. This is what’s going to bring about the change you’ve been longing for.

It’s gradual, it takes time, but research from the Universities of Oxford and Exeter demonstrates there are measurable benefits from practicing self-compassion both psychologically: easing of depression, anxiety, and increasing feelings of kindness and connection, as well as physically: feelings of reduced stress, relaxation and safety.

This guided meditation is available as a FREE download.

It’s my gift to you. If you’re interested, click here to sign up to my newsletter and you’ll get a confirmation screen with instructions for downloading the meditation.

 

“Feeling Worthy of Love” is also part of the 7-day self-love challenge. 

We just completed a 7-day challenge in March; stay subscribed to be notified when the next one starts.

 

©2019 text and photo: Christine Longaker


Christine Longaker

Hospice and spiritual care pioneer and author of "Facing Death and Finding Hope: A Guide to the Emotional and Spiritual Care of the Dying," Christine Longaker is writing a book on Self-Compassion, and developing trainings and an online course based on the book.

2 Comments

Christine Longaker · March 7, 2019 at 6:08 pm

Please let me know your experience of doing the meditation. Has anything shifted?

Mark Chiodo · February 16, 2019 at 12:33 am

Can use all the help I can get

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